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AMENDED STORY

As a result of the interesting discussion following from my last 'Want Your Views' entry, I elected to make some significant amendments to my latest story, In the Arms of an Angel. The new slash version has been posted on arianna.hidden-muse.com The story has at least ten additional pages and a somewhat revised story premise. I'm really grateful to everyone who expressed their views and ideas during the discussion as I think you've helped to make this story much better.

The amended gen version has been sent to Starfox for posting in the Mansion.

Comments

( 4 comments — Leave a comment )
roslynsmuse
Nov. 22nd, 2006 07:36 pm (UTC)
Revised story
Arianna,

The changes were wonderful - the added details didn't just 'fill in' your story needs (apart from the number of initial victims). It actually mapped out your view of the entire post TSbBS evolution of relationships between and among the characters, particularly Simon and Jim. You raised new points or made them explicit instead of assumed. I think it will make the gen version really strong and both versions will be great reads for readers who are less well-versed in this fandom.

Roslyn
caarianna
Nov. 22nd, 2006 08:18 pm (UTC)
Re: Revised story
Wow, thanks for the great (and very fast) feedback on the revised version, Roslyn! And thank you, too, for your insight in your email to me on 'too much obviousness' -- as you saw, I took your advice! I think it works better this way. As you said, it now is less obvious whether the deaths are accidents, murder or suicide, with them leaning toward accident or maybe suicide, so more credible (I hope) that they weren't on their guard.
snailbones
Nov. 24th, 2006 08:20 pm (UTC)
Really, really enjoyed your revised version of the story. :~)

As a reader it's been great fun to read the two versions back-to-back. I loved the first one, especially the way you told the back story through Simon's thoughts at the beginning. And I would honestly have gone away content... but then you posted the second, expanded version... ::happy sigh::

I love all the extra detail, and again especially Simon's understanding of what the problems and dynamics were and having solutions all figured out. I found myself thinking, well, of course he would, the guy's not thick. I think your cull of the victims down to two worked much better too - they were dropping like flies in the first story.

Thank you for posting, and thank you for the extra fun too - just hope you're not sick of the poor thing by now - I can't believe the speed at which you wrote and re-wrote... *g*
caarianna
Nov. 24th, 2006 08:37 pm (UTC)
Wow, thank you for reading both versions! And so quickly, too! I'm really glad to know that both worked for you but that the second contained material that improved it for you. I agree about Simon. We tend to leave him with little to do, but the guy would have been doing a lot of thinking about the situation and he is the one with the political savvy, LOL. What's really neat, for me, was that this gave me a TSbyBS take on resolution that I'd never tried before.

This was a very unique writing experience for me, doing a story in the public forum, as it were, LOL. I really enjoyed the discussion and found the suggestions helpful. I think the story ended up better because of everyone's views and input. So, thank you for contributing to that!
( 4 comments — Leave a comment )

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