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Can't believe I've never seen this before! Warning: You may hurt yourself laughing.



Everything I Need To Know I Learned from Watching The Sentinel

created by the fans at alt.tv.sentinel

compiled by Shelley Knepley



Don’t leave home without your Guide
Ford trucks are best, especially if it’s blue
Always carry a pocketknife
Just breathe
Never trust free food
Don’t be afraid to try new food
It’s about friendship
Always tell your partner about the other Sentinel
If you find a woman stuffed in her trunk, leave her there
Avoid assignments involving Cyclops Oil
Vending machines can kill
Feds are made to be obfuscated to
Guns don’t kill people, the crazy neighborhood militia does
Never trust monks, the military, or animal control. Paranoia is highly underrated
Weaponry doesn’t always mean artillery ? plywood, bathroom stalls, and flare guns are practical and thrifty.Be creative
The panther always knows best
Always look a gift pizza in the anchovies
Next time take the stairs
Never trust a man with a fetish for yellow scarves, wigs, and duck ponds
When camping remember to bring your map, compass, or closest available Sentinel
When in doubt whistle ? you know, like a bat
When meeting police officers for the first time, don’t call them cavemen. Sure they’ll become your best friend, but the wall banging in the interim can be quite uncomfortable
When meeting anthropologists for the first time, don’t call them neo -hippie, witch-doctor punks unless you’re then planning to throw them into a wall and become best friends
Always beware shiny red things, especially frisbees
Always beware the big vehicles bearing down on you, especially garbage trucks
Always beware the Babe Of The Week, especially the ones with artillery
When saying unfamiliar names, remember it’s the Gaelic pronunciation
Don’t let Jim drive your new car
When on vacation, don’t drink the water
Look both ways before crossing the street
Beware of a pretty face
Bus drivers are serious, exact change only
If you say “don’t read this” and then leave it out, it will be read
The hard part about a miracle is making it look like an accident
What good is it for a man to have ears that can hear a thousand miles, but cannot hear the whispers of his own heart
PA systems jam
Never piss off an alligator
Stay in the truck
Anthropology is too damn dangerous
Violent television is bad for ones psyche
Never trust a doctor wearing old sneakers
Face your fears: If you’re afraid of heights, jump off a cliff without a parachute . . . if you survive --congratulations
Money is the root of all evil
This isn’t about you
Friends are precious, keep them close
Cell phone: Don’t leave home without it
Women don’t really want men to be honest all the time
Cops need partners they can trust
Corollary:Always trust your Guide
Beware redheads
Always say “thank you” when your partner helps you
If you turn your back on your Guide, he will be kidnapped, drugged, and/or shot
If you want to do pain experiments, do them on yourself
A Sentinel who does not show up on time has probably been kidnapped
Lies hurt, embellishment helps, obfuscation’s are romantic, BS is technically a form of male bonding, and the truth is highly overrated
Dad Knew
A Sentinel will always be a Sentinel, if he chooses to be
Nobody f---s with the Guide
No one looks good in pea green
’69 Fords are like a Timex, takes a licking and keeps on ticking
White socks are de rigeur for the "in" detective
Not even Blair can make pork chop sideburns look good
Little red bulls don’t stay in the same place twice
Pink marabou is best if left to saucy club kids
At all costs avoid women with "high lofty goals" who favor leopard prints
Run a criminal check on all prospective dates and their associates
Academia can hurt, especially at Rainier
Never look a criminal in the eye, he’ll notice you and take you hostage
Never go camping with Jim and Blair
Bugs good, fermented cabbage bad
Make sure any woman who likes your partner gets to see you in you’re underwear and robe
A bag of frozen peas makes a good icepack
He’s not dead, just damp
Don't laugh at the Guide . . . unless he's wearing *that* hat
Learn CPR; getting practice time will not be a problem
Don't mess with the Guide's Mom -- and stop leering at her, man
It's good to be the Captain
A little peyote can cure the common cold
Never give NBA stars working firearms
Never accept a drink from a woman who tried to kill your best friend
Never underestimate what someone will do for friendship
Never trust a publisher to *just* proofread a good manuscript
If you lock up a secret document, don't leave the same document open on your computer for anyone to read.
And a corollary to Don't let Jim drive your new car: Don't let Jim drive your *old* car. Don't let Blair. . . Maybe Simon should drive

Comments

( 8 comments — Leave a comment )
betagoddess
Mar. 2nd, 2007 12:38 am (UTC)
VERY funny! Thanks for the laugh! *g*
karieflybabe
Mar. 2nd, 2007 01:20 am (UTC)
Nobody f---s with the Guide
This is my Mantra. I really need an Icon with that... hey, know anyone that might be able to put that on THIS icon? Anyone?
vamysteryfan
Mar. 2nd, 2007 02:05 pm (UTC)
That was really funny! I hadn't seen it before
chriselora55
Mar. 2nd, 2007 03:26 pm (UTC)
Heee! So funny! LOL!

Thank you for sharing.
justmej
Mar. 2nd, 2007 04:14 pm (UTC)
This is great!
annieb1955
Mar. 3rd, 2007 10:48 am (UTC)
I've always loved this list. My favorite (though it's so hard to pick just one) -

Learn CPR; getting practice time will not be a problem
saor32
Mar. 6th, 2007 04:47 am (UTC)
Hi
HI :-) just got notification that you added me as a friend. cool.
caarianna
Mar. 6th, 2007 06:00 am (UTC)
Re: Hi
Yeah, I didn't realize you were on LJ until I was checking out my profile page and saw you there! Hope all is going well with you!
( 8 comments — Leave a comment )

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